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Who Are You Owin’? (3)

BY OWEN HUGHES, Associate Pastor, Oakwood Presbyterian Church

Who Are You Owin’?

DISCLAIMER: My blog posts will be about gratitude. Gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation do not come naturally to me, but there are so many people that I owe so much to. People who invested in me, who spent time with me, who pursued me, and who shaped me. Some were intentional, others were unintentional, and others were just being themselves. So, my blog posts will be about people who have made me who I am today. People I am “owin’” for making me, well, Owen. Disclaimer: I am not a writer and I’m not an aspiring writer. So, if my writing is “offensive,” either because of structure or grammar or both, please forgive me.

Joel

Over the last few weeks, I have been reflecting on friendship. I am going through a book called “Disciplines of a Godly Man,” by R. Kent Hughes (no relation) with a group of guys. Early on in the book Hughes has a chapter on the discipline of friendship. In the chapter, he exhorts men to have deep friendships, like that of Jonathan and David in the Bible. Friendships that are built on something more than just “doing stuff together,” but instead are marked by loyalty, honesty, and genuine love. Friendships that are forged over time, that are built on trust, and with people who are willing to get in the trenches with you. My pastor in Florida used to call these friends, “pallbearer friends,” the people who will carry your coffin (sounds a bit morbid, but you know what he’s saying). As I reflected on what it means to have a friend and to be a friend, my memories rested on one guy who showed me what real friendship looks and feels like.

Joel came to Whitinsville Christian School in sixth grade. As I have mentioned in a previous post, I had a learning disability in elementary school, but by fifth grade I was able to read. Once that happened, I took off like a rocket, academically that is. I was in the top three in the class. I worked hard to stay in that position and was very proud. When Joel came, I was bumped to fourth in the class because Joel was “wicked smart” (Whitinsville is in Massachusetts, if I haven’t said that yet).

Joel started off as a rival, a threat, an enemy, someone that needed to be destroyed, but Joel was a lot bigger, stronger, smarter, and faster than me. I was funnier, but funny guys rarely destroy strong guys. So, I decided it would be a better idea for me to befriend Joel. It was the right decision. Joel and I became very close, especially as we entered junior high. I got bullied in 7th grade and I told you how that translated into me becoming a bully in 8th grade. Joel was not bullied, nor was he a bully himself. Joel was kind, but his kindness didn’t mean weakness. In fact, his kindness was shown through his loyalty and he would stick up for his friends, even if that meant getting physical.

Here is the story. There was another family that we used to carpool to school with when I was in junior high. The boy from the carpool was in my grade. He was quiet and a bit strange. One day at recess (all good stories happen at recess…we should have more recesses) we were playing “hit the bat” (I can explain it to you if you don’t know what it is. I literally have never seen kids play this game other than when I was a kid, so who knows if it is a real game). Anyway, this boy walked right up to me, unprovoked, and said something very derogatory about my sister. I was completely stunned. I lived a pretty sheltered life and certainly had never heard that word in connection with my sister. I just stood there, then, out of nowhere Joel appeared and clobbered this boy on the back of his head and put him on the ground.

Joel said, “No one says that about my friends.” Now Joel wasn’t particularly friends with my sister, but I think you get the picture.

Perhaps Joel overreacted. Some of you might be appalled by this behavior, but I remember a wave of warmth coming over me. In fact, when I replay the scenario in my mind’s eye now, I get that warm feeling again.

That feeling, I have learned over the years, is friendship. Real friendship. To be seen, to be cared for, to be stood for, to be an object of someone’s loyalty.

In Micah 6:8 it says this

He has told you, O man, what is good;
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
    and to walk humbly with your God?

“To do justice and to love kindness” are requirements that God has for us to carry out to other humans. The word kindness in Hebrew is hesed which literally means loyalty; “love loyalty,” I remember asking a mentor, who was a VP at a tech company in Florida, what he looked for in new hires. He said, “I used to look for competency, but after pouring into new employees, only for them to leave because of a better offer from another company, I decided to look for loyalty.” As a friend, I think it is the highest quality.

I first experienced that quality in Joel and I am forever thankful to him. I remember another time, as an adult when I was sitting in church after a weekend when I made several bad decisions, feeling the weight of my sin when the pastor read from Galatians 2:20. At the end of that passage it says, “And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” That’s loyalty. That’s a friend of sinners. That’s my friend Jesus. I felt that warm feeling of friendship once again.

So who has been a friend to you? I would love to hear who you are owin’.

Who Are You Owin’? (2)

 BY OWEN HUGHES, Associate Pastor, Oakwood Presbyterian Church

Who Are You Owin’?

DISCLAIMER: My blog posts will be about gratitude. Gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation do not come naturally to me, but there are so many people that I owe so much to. People who invested in me, who spent time with me, who pursued me, and who shaped me. Some were intentional, others were unintentional, and others were just being themselves. So, my blog posts will be about people who have made me who I am today. People I am “owin’” for making me, well, Owen. Disclaimer: I am not a writer and I’m not an aspiring writer. So, if my writing is “offensive,” either because of structure or grammar or both, please forgive me.

Mr. Schwartz

Mr. Schwartz was my 7th and 8th grade history teacher, at least I think it was history. Mr. Schwartz seemed like a 50-year-old man when I was in 8th grade, but in retrospect I bet he wasn’t much older than 25. He had long hair, wire rimmed glasses, and always seemed a bit too cool for teaching junior high in a small Christian school in Whitinsville, MA, which he probably was. I don’t remember much of what Mr. Schwartz taught me about history, or English, or math, or whatever subject he taught. What Mr. Schwartz did teach me was, what I am going to call, Christianity 101.

"J" was a boy in 7th grade. In hindsight, "J" was a sweet kid who just wanted to be included. He was awkward, nerdy, and annoying and was basically a typical junior high kid to everyone except the other junior high kids who thought they were cool.

One day during recess, my friends and I were playing basketball. "J" wanted to play, but we didn’t want him. He persisted, so we ended by ripping his jacket off him and throwing it into the basketball hoop.

We were laughing, "J" was crying, and Mr. Schwartz was watching the whole thing. The words are blurry, the timeline is uncertain, but the tone and consequences were clear.

Mr. Schwartz came bursting out of the school doors, ran onto the playground, and screamed for all of us to get in his classroom. He then jumped up 10 feet and grabbed "J"’s jacket down from the basketball hoop (this may be an exaggeration).

We sat in his classroom mortified. Mr. Schwartz was livid. His face was flushed. He seemed to be shaking and his eyes were red with anger. Again, I don’t remember most of what he said, but the tone was clear. His tone showed us that he was very angry and wanted to drive that point home.  

Mr. Schwartz knew "J," he saw "J," he empathized with "J," and when he saw my friends and I bullying, marginalizing, and mistreating "J," Mr Schwartz could not just sit by. I remember him framing our bullying in the terms of “how would you like it if....” He threatened us with a trip to the principal’s office, then detention, and even expulsion. He settled on giving us a stern talking to and let us know that our actions were shameful.

Perhaps Mr. Schwartz was just fed up with watching the boys pick on "J" day after day, but as I look back on that situation, I think there was something deeper that set off Mr. Schwartz. As a Christian, the way we see people begins with the belief that all people, no matter their skin color, body shape, mental acumen, home life, life position or even life choices are all God-made, God-breathed, and God-imprinted. All humans deserve dignity because God created them with and in dignity. That is the basis of how we, as Christians, are to approach others. That is Christianity 101. The dignity that has been given by God is also defined by God in His word. Therefore, we are called to stand up for the outcast, for the marginalized, the abused, the misused, the downtrodden. We are called to speak truth in love to everyone, looking to interests of others before ourselves for the sake of Christ.

Even with all my theological training I sometimes miss that very first lesson in the Bible… “In the beginning God created…” His fingerprints are on everything and on everyone. As one of my seminary professors said, “We are designed for dignity.” This is the first lesson in the Bible; there is a God and He created everything and everyone.   

Therefore, when I see a person’s dignity being stripped from them, my response must be like Mr. Schwartz, I must stand up for him or her, for the “J” s of this world. This means being courageous, seeing people as image-bearers, and trusting in the Lord for strength and wisdom.

I admit I haven’t done this well over the course of my life, but I am owin’ Mr. Schwartz for teaching me that righteous anger is the right response when the image-bearers of God, a.k.a. all humans, are hurt, abused, or mistreated.

I am thankful that Mr. Schwartz had the courage to burst through those doors, yell at us, put the fear of the Lord in us, and to stand up for “the other.” I am thankful that his example, almost 30 years later, reminds me of Christianity 101. I am thankful that God pursued me, even in 8th grade, to show me that all people are made in His image, designed for dignity, and must be defended when they are mistreated.

Just so you know, I did ask "J" for forgiveness and I remember that he forgave me. Just another example of him bearing the image of God.

So, here’s the question for you...who taught you how to treat others? Who are you ownin’?